It struck me that I haven’t really asked God any tough questions in the recent past (or if I have, I have forgotten the questions or the answers, and that’s as bad as not asking)…does that mean I’ve stopped seeking? I wonder if it’s because I’ve become complacent again in my spiritual walk and don’t feel that there is anything to ask, or maybe that I have forgotten that I have this great resource of wisdom to tap, and all I have to do is ask.

Anyways, it’s a great reminder, and I want to practice as part of my spiritual discipline and even a way to get me to converse with God and others around me more about my life and my questions. And the one way to do this without forgetting (which is my greatest weakness) is to journal my questions and the answers that I find here on this blog, for my own memory, first and foremost, and for others who might happen to wander by.

1. The nails didn’t keep Jesus on the cross, nothing could hold the Son of God to the cross, it was Christ’s love for me that kept him on the cross.
2. The Calvary scene that Keith’s kids made was great, we can do that with our girls.
3. “I need it!” I needed and continually need Christ’s sacrifice to cover my pride and unworthiness. (text in red to symbolize Christ’s blood covering my brokenness)

In the interview, Wang presents a historical and intellectual explanation of Christianity’s effect on the those within the democracy movement.

These last few years intellectuals on the mainland, especially those in pursuit of a free democracy, appear to be taking up the trend of believing in Christ. Many intellectuals have begun becoming Christians, novelists Bei Cun and Yu Jie for example, and from within the group of civil rights lawyers are Li Baiguang and Gao Zhisheng, among others. Many people have begun becoming more intimate with Christianity, including Jiao Guobiao who just recently has been reborn a Christian. Being reborn in my mind definitely needs this kind of belief. We must let the son of God be the lord of our lives and open our mouths in prayer and admit that belief is in our hearts. Only then can one undergo the baptism ceremony.

And here is an excerpt of Wang’s personal conversion:

There�s one very dramatic event which led to my believing. In June last year I was atop a ladder in my home, looking for a book on the highest shelf of my bookcase and not being careful I lost my balance and fell. That time I had to get nine stitches and lay in bed for a month. After falling, while I was laying on the floor unable to move, at that moment I began to sing hymns and began to pray.

This was my first time to open my mouth in prayer. I feel this was a very symbolic and significant experience for me. That enormous bookcase of mine represents intellectuals� knowledge, rationalism and conceit. We rely on knowledge and rationalism to seek truth. You feel as though you have grasped the truth, struggled against a despotic regime. You are standing on the side of justice, on the pinnacle of morality.

As a result I tumbled down from the highest place. At that moment I felt as though I had reached the extent of rationalism, I felt that intellectuals relying on their own strength have no way to arrive at the truth. Emptyhanded, I began to accept the revelation from above. To do so is to have a peaceful and joyous state of mind. This event had a very important significance in my believing.

I realize the English translation is not perfect, but it’s pretty good and once I get into a mindset that I am reading an English translation from a Chinese intellectual, I can get a pretty good understanding of what Wang meant to say. I’m sure that reading it in the original Chinese text would be even more accurate and meaningful.

Anyways, before I decided on giving up coffee for Lent, I was struggling as to what in my life I would give up, and that of course led me to ask what the purpose of Lent was in my own Christian walk. I finally settled on coffee, pretty much by default, seeing it as a luxury in my life that I enjoyed but not as a necessity. I figured that in feeling the minor ‘pain’ of not having it for these few weeks would be a reminder to spend some time in reflection for what Christ had done for me in giving up His own life (I know, coffee seems kind of paltry to that, I’ll get to that more below).

After about a week into Lent, I read this article in Relevant Magazine, “Slowdance on the Inside”. Here’s a key excerpt:

Lent, the forty days leading up to Easter (not including Sundays, during which we celebrate Jesus� resurrection), has traditionally been a season of repentance for believers. This season is not so much about the giving up of things as it is about the letting go of those things that hold us back from loving God whole-heartedly. Perhaps we can apply John Piper�s principle on fasting to the season of Lent: Our prayer, as we let go of certain things, becomes �This much, O God, I want You.� As is the case with many of our traditions, though, it is all too easy to miss the meaning behind Lent as we focus on its outward expression.

Wow, I guess, I need to re-evaluate how much it is that I want God in my life, if only for a cup of coffee. I think I’ll stick with my ‘no coffee’ Lent for now, but hopefully spend a greater proporionate amount of time seeking after Him.

I had heard about this devotional from a couple of friends who had gone through it, and I figured that since I had been going through a spiritual dry spell at the time as well as some difficult work periods, this would be encouraging to read. I enjoyed the simple reading passages, which oftentimes were excerpts of songs, poems or writings from historical Christians who had gone through challenging times.

Actually, being the geek that I am, I read this devotional as an ebook on my ipaq with Laridian’s DailyReader program, which made it easy to keep track of which day I was on. But since it took me so long to finish, I had to reset or reinstall or replace my ipaq a couple of times over the course of reading, and this proved to be somewhat disruptive in the way the program keeps track of the days. But in the end, I was able to get it working (and of course, I would rather go through the challenge of making the software work, than carrying around a hardcopy version of the book).

Engaging Today’s Culture Seminar

Why do you believe what you believe? How do you have meaningful conversations with others about what you believe – especially with seekers and skeptics?

Join members from the RZIM team as they discuss issues of worldview, truth, and how to engage in meaningful conversations that are relevant to today’s cultuer. Well-versed in apologetics and the themes of our culture, they will begin to equip and empower you to become a thoughtful communicator of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006
6:00 PM – 9:30PM
Mariners Church

The way that I normally markup books (not that I leave any permanent marks as those that know me can attest), is to just put an asterisk (in pencil, of course) next to paragraphs which I felt make a good point or speak to me personally. In writing this book report, I started by typing out all the paragraphs which I had marked, but then I realized that there are just too many, especialy if I am to reflect and process them in any meaningful way. So I think the best way is to just choose a few of the excerpts that are representative of what I learned from this book and to express my thoughts on each of those. So here goes.

I began to ask myself whether my lack of contemplative prayer, my loneliness, and my constantly changing involvement in what seemed most urgent were signs that the Spirit was gradually being suppressed….I woke up one day with the realization that I was living in a very dark place and that the term ‘burnout’ was a convenient psychological translation for a spiritual death. p.20

The book starts off with a chapter titled From Relevance to Prayer, and I really identified with this particular quote because for quite some time now, I haven’t really pursued contemplative prayer. I think I tried to be real and honest with my prayers, but they tended to be very pragmatic and to the point, without opening up a space in which I could hear God speak to me. And because of this, without even realizing what was happening, I found myself settling into a very dry personal experience with God.

Confession and forgiveness are the concrete forms in which we sinful people love one another. p.64

I am convinced that priests and ministers, especially those who relate to many anguishing people, need a truly safe place for themselves. They need a place where they can share their deep pain and struggles with people who do not need them, but who can guide them ever deeper into the mystery of God’s love. p.69

I mentioned earlier in this post that I am in a men’s group, and this has totally been a blessing to me because it has truly been a safe place where I am able to learn to share, confess and ask for forgiveness. The key for me is that it is a safe place to learn how to do these things, because in no way can I claim to be very good at any of these.

Living in a community with very wounded people, I came to see that I had lived most of my life as a tightrope artist trying to walk on a high, thin cable from one tower to the other, always waiting for the applause when I had not fallen off and broken my leg. p.53

Laying down your life means making your own faith and doubt, hope and despair, joy and sadness, courage and fear available to others as ways of getting in touch with the Lord of life. p.61

I didn’t think that I lived my life for applause, but I think that what rings true in the first quote is that I do try to live my life without making any mistakes (the question is in who’s eyes). And that in itself is my struggle, to live a life that is true to who I am, mistakes, failures and all. Sometimes, I find that I am not honest to myself in my own struggles, and if I am not honest to myself, how can I be honest to my community.

What makes the temptation of power so seemingly irresistible? Maybe it is that power offers an easy substitute for the hard task of love. It seems easier to be God than to love God, easier to control people than to love people, easier to own life than to love life….we have been tempted to replace love with power. p.77

Oh man, this quote is so true, no matter how ugly it makes me feel. I am totally guilty of replacing love with power (i.e. control). I think part of my self-deception is to think that by trying to control someone or some situation, I am showing my love and care by doing the best for them through what I think is the best way (and in my mind, the most ‘effective’ way). I need to learn to love through the act of love itself and not through a facade of control.

But when we are securely rooted in personal intimacy with the source of life, it will be possible to remain flexible without being relativistic, convinced without being rigid….For Christian leadership to be truly fruitful in the future, a movement from the moral to the mystical is required. p.47

Hmm, is the term ‘mystical’ here similar to my earlier discussion of C.S. Lewis’ own reference to ‘myths’? The focus and the source all comes from an intimate relationship with Christ, and from there, both the known and the unknown are to be sought out as valuable and wondrous.

In reading this book, it has reinforced the lesson that God has been teaching me that I need to not only acknowledge that I don’t know everything, but that I need to rest in that knowledge that while I may not know or understand as much as I think I do, at least I have a relationship with Someone who does know everything and is more than happy to spend eternity showing me more and more, so long as I remain in Him and I quiet myself to the point where I can contemplatively hear what He is telling me.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

I read this prayer during devotions a few months ago and it really touched me in its simplicity and also in its complete reliance on God’s strength and not my own.

Elijah has had this prayer on the frontpage of fanster.net for sometime, but I just noticed it a couple of weeks ago . In case you’re wondering about the background of the Serenity Prayer, there’s a good article at Wikipedia.